Katherine Knight

I’ve been watching with interest the case of Katherine Knight, the woman who worked in a slaughterhouse before killing her abusive partner, and sliced up his buttocks and cooked them with vegetables and fed them to his children. 

I know what you’re saying. This is wrong, just so wrong, wrong, wrong. 

I mean.… everybody knows if you’ve got a nice piece of rump, you should serve it with a crisp green salad.  

I’m sorry if you think we’re getting off to a bad start, but it’s not all bad news. Think of it.  Right now, there’s a good job available at a local slaughterhouse.  

Katherine, as you can imagine, is getting a lot of calls and letters from the women’s groups, from senate committees, and of course, Jaime Oliver. 

Lorena Bobbitt has been on the phone. You remember Lorena, the woman who cut off the penis of her rapist husband and threw it away. She told Katherine if you liked the rump you should try the sausage.

Lorena has got some form. Remember her description of standing there with the meat in one hand and a foot-long knife in the other?  This woman knows what makes the best cut. She certainly made an impression on John Wayne Bobbitt. She’s famous now, even turned the noun Bobbitt into a verb

Katherine, meanwhile, is getting suggestions from women about how to deal with such husbands. Best thing with battered husband apparently is a quarter of  lemon, a squirt of vinegar or a little tartare sauce, chips on the side.

I imagine Katherine going to the liquor store.  Let’s help her out, here, right?  She’s in the shop, looking around… I think definitely red, right?  Something full bodied. Something hearty, with great longevity. 

This is rare moment, so you want the wine to be something you’ll savour. I think a cabernet sauvignon is just the right companion for the meal, a perfect pairing, just like the buttocks themselves.  

And let’s remember there are excellent health benefits from wine, so it’s a good time to think about what keeps you—keeps all of us—in good health.  Like keeping your mouth shut around a woman who works with sharp knives in a slaughterhouse. 

Also, try to imagine the conversation at that dinner table. Is daddy coming for dinner? No, actually. Daddy already came.  Now, he’s just here for dinner. 

And if the kid says: I hate daddy.  Okay, kid, in that case, you better leave that bit on the side of your plate.  Or if the kid says: I hate vegetables. Get used to them, kid. Trust me on this: you’ll be a committed vegetarian real soon …

Here. Have some crisp green salad.