Debbie from Dallas

Thank you very much 

Nice  to be here, in front of 70 people. 

Thank you for having me.  That’s a great old fashioned expression, isn’t it.

thank you for having me.  It’s nice to be had.

Anybody else been had by 70 people tonight?

Except for Debbie from Dallas over here… anybody else?

I am feeling lucky tonight. 

I mean, let’s start with my name. Kerr.

Good Scottish name.  Of course they pronounce it KARE.

You have to roll your tongue around your Rs  to get that sound.

Anybody else here make a sound when they get a tongue rolled around their Rs?

Anybody except for Debbie from Dallas, I mean?

What is it about porn stars?

In Los Angeles, there’s a new rule that porn stars have to wear condoms on the job.  
Yes we like to wear plastic raincoats when its hot and sticky outside. 

Can you imagine what this would be like in Tasmania… with government oversight of porn movies. 

Condoms and raincoats.

I know what you’re asking. Why can’t we make porn films here at home.

I don’t mean, at home at home…  I mean like locally. Australian made. That’s great isn’t it… there’s the title:

Made in Australia.

I mean, it’s not like we Tasmanian men can’t get it up.  Keeping it up on Tasmanian Fluff girls.  not far to look – just have a look around Isobar or any of the nightclubs around town.  Any number of fluff girls around there.   this is exactly what we want for fluff girls, they can get it up without laying a hand on you.  

Funny isn’t it… they got you by the balls but they ain’t touching your dick. 

I’m sorry, was that a bit close to the bone for some people?  

I have allocated the lead role to myself.  that’s right, I’m finally gonna be a porn star., as a porn star, I will get my greatest ever wish.  I am going to die from friction.

We will be auditioning lead actresses right after the show tonight.  I’m looking for the best brazilian.  That’s a recent Brazilian, Debbie!

Porn movies gotta be are easy to make, right? the script is just one premise: When the story flags a little, just add more sex.  

You’re all done in five minutes.  Oh, you want foreplay?  Five and a half minutes then.

Sorry, that might be a bit personal for some of you.

You don’t need a studio or set.  You just find a friend who’s got a swimming pool and is going to Burnie for the day. 

The difficult part in any movie making is funding.  so I’ve decided to get government funding.  it comes with conditions…. condoms.   

Protective goggles: I mean, you could poke somebody’s eye out with that thing.

Protection clothing.  Hey. We’ve got body fluids flying around here. 

I know, some of you are saying:  these guys need hi-viz clothing.  

But that’s just silly.  Nothing more hi-viz than naked human flesh. 

Footwear: blundstones. WorkSafe, dude…

What are you doing smoking.  Jesus, children might see this stuff.  What kind of impression is smoking going to leave on them?

 http://www.civilization.ca/home    

I know you’ve just had sex, but there’s no smoking, dude.  Jesus, children might see this stuff!

Titles: Tasmanian weather titles.

Hot and sticky.  Easy to predict, right?

windy, and there goes your knickers

showers with occasional warm patches. At least you know what kind of movie it’s gonna be sunny, that’s your sister.  This is Tasmania, after all. 

 A Beautiful Behind

Shaving Ryan's Privates

Position Impossible

Star Whores 

Sorest Rump 

Saturday Night Beaver

When Harry Ate Sally 

Romancing The Bone 

Lord Of The G-Strings

White Men Can't Hump 

Ocean's 11 inches American Booty

Pulp Friction

Swollow Hal 

Spankenstein 

Breast Side Story

Blown in 60 Seconds

Buffy The Vampire Layer

Buttman and Throbbin'

Rambone

Sperms of Enderarment 

School of Cock 

Free My Willy

Sperminator 

Get the toilet paper out of the bathroom, wand we can use it to wipe our noses.  Or faces.  When we run out of napkins and Kleenex and paper towels.