Smoko

Teetotallers over here.  Tea, totally, tea, all the time. 

Smoko.  A recognition that nicotine, the drug nicotine, needs to be catered to.

More than catered to, it’s written into industrial legislation, part of awards and conditions, labor negotiations, enshrined in the law of the land.  Now we don’t call it smoko anymore, that’s politically incorrect.  It’s just a break now, but everybody knows it’s more for smokers to get their fix.

It’s not a bathroom break or lunch break or anything else but time to get it on. Get that nico flowing, coursing through your body. And you know what… I understand this—for 25 years of I sucked on those cancer sticks, sometimes a pipe. Now there’s a way to get your hit. 

So this brings us—in these politically correct times—to my new habit.

That’s right, methamphetamine. Ice or rocks if you want to get down and dirty. 

Any ice users in the audience tonight?  Yeah, a quick shout-out to you guys.  Thank you for coming but for god’s sake stop scratching. 

In even in these times of inclusion, I want to know where my break time is. Yes, break time. 

People like me, we have to go to work.  Money gotta be made, dealers got to paid, you know. That’s the economic cycle right there, I got people relying on me—us—and our habit, right? 

So here’s my question.  Aren’t we entitled to the same entitlements under the law as smokers and their habit, huh?   They get mandated off-work times. 

Where are we to smoke, swallow and snort our blue crystal, huh?.  No, it’s already clear we can’t do it three metres from the front door.  Why not? Whole place is full of bloody smokers, that’s why. Nice people, filthy habit.  

What we need is time and space of our own, our own ten minutes morning noon and night, huh?  Can’t just be for the smokers, right?

What say you, our brethren drug takers out there?  Heroin users… where are you tonight?  Over there in the dark corners, good. A shout out to you guys thanks for coming to see the show tonight.

Now heroin users they’ve got special dispensations in the wider community, haven’t they. Got a whole needle deposit thing going on right, in public and private bathrooms. So they have cleverly combined bathroom breaks and shoot-up breaks.  No flies on heroin users.  They got things under control.

Dope smokers? Any of you guys in the house tonight?  Nahh! Too much trouble to come out on a weekday.  Or a weekend.  Or a public holiday.  Any time at all, really.  But what we do know about these guys is the when they’re on the job, they are slow and lazy.  Lay zee. right?  If weed eaters had like a business email address it would be something something something. Dot coma.  Nothing getting done down there at all. 

But not we meth addicts.  We just keep driving that loaded B-double down the highways of the world.  No stopping, not allowed to. No stepping out of the cab of that train you’re driving when its hauling six million tonnes of iron ore across west Australia.

You gotta understand, we meth addicts got standards, we got pride. 

And man, we’ve got a work ethic. When we are on, shit gets done. In like half the time of the average worker. When you’re going for a job interview and the guy says Just tell us—no judgments here… are  you taking any recreational drugs.  Ou ou You say: just a little marijuana for medicinal reasons, and they’ll tell you goodbye.  But tell me you’re using a little meth, and it’s here, sign this form. This afternoon soon enough for you, cos they know you get shit done.  

You got the job alright, but you haven’t got a mandated break of ten in the morning, ten in the afternoon, like all the other drug addicts out there.

You, you people that like alcohol just a little bit, you’ve got an entire booze culture built around you, like a little cocoon.  Here we are in this very nice bar, a place designed specifically for those whose drug is alcohol.  They say they just like a drink, but isn’t just another drug habit, is it.   

Just saying fair’s fair.  Good for these guys, good for those guys too.